You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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