theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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