I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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