Your mouth is God's brothel.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
