glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
