Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize