yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
