i dont even know how to be here
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
