Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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