k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i believe in u and ur pee
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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