Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
