I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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