My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
