She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize