I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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