apparently the secret to your success is patron
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just found puke in my bra..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
