what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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