Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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