I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize