I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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