He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
