I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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