K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize