My friends, they love my intelligence
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
