i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
