I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
