bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
