No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
