Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
