I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize