I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
