Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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