i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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