I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
