She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
