But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
