He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
