Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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