it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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