I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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