im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
