OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
