god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
