He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
