South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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