that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize