I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
