I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
