Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
