I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
