Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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