wat bout pragnant strippers??
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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