i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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