I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
