She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
