Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
