The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
