im six kinds of drunk right now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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