Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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