she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
