Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
