you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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