I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
