was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
