God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
