I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
