i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize