Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
