Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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