shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
