In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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