I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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