tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
