I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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