We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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