your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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