You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
